Wedding in the Jungle

the past 2 days i have had the joy of experiencing a Khmer wedding! i feel so very lucky! i was invited by my Cambodian friend to come to his cousin's wedding, an hour outside of town. my fellow American friend, Andrew, who has been like my big brother here and helped me find my job and introduced me to these people, took me on his motorbike. it was so nice to get out of town, i'd forgotten again how much i love traveling, seeing new places and people. along the way we saw a huge ancient temple, similar to Angkor Wat, minus all the tourists. in fact, the monks still live in this temple, and it has a huge moat around it, nestled in a little hiding spot in the jungle. it really is mind blowing to see these places that are so old, and you would normally only see on the Discovery Channel or something....
anyways, we got to the little village where our friend, Kou, grew up. all the houses are on stilts, and they are just one big open room up top. the first day of the wedding is for family and close friends, so we all spent the day hanging out in hammocks and meeting everyone. once again, pretty much only Kou spoke English, but the more i'm around that the more i like it. no awkawrd annoying question asking to get to know each other. plus, i find it even more interesting to learn each person's personality without talking to them, you can actually really learn a lot about them! we were staying at Kou's mother's house, we called her Mama. she truly was the epitome of a sweet old mama, taking care of all of us. then there was his wife, Jana, and their 2 children. also, his sister and brother in law, who we called Brother. Brother turned out to be one of my favorites, quite the instigator! always trying to get us to drink more, eat more, dance, etc., and always laughing and smiling. Andrew and Kou told me how during the war he was one of the guys who worked the machine gun, and he was missing a finger. its crazy to see the effects of such a recent war, it isn't something i'm used to. you hear about things like that all the time, but when you see, and know, people who lived through it, have scars from bullets, are missing limbs, eyes, family members, etc, it becomes so much more real. and to see these people, so happy, never talking about it, its amazing! they are so grateful to be alive, and they don't look back. like Kou's father was killed in the war by one side, and his wife is from the other side, but there is no hate! she is accepted and loved as faimly just like anyone else. its a beautiful thing to see, and a big part of what has changed me in Cambodia.
so, the tents are set up outside of the bride's home, with colorful tables and banners and such, and ridiculously loud music, that never stops for the entire 2 days. and it is seriously loud, you can hear it throughout the entire neighborhood! i am already starting to recognize some of the songs and try to sing along, i like it. the music is different than any other i've heard, yet sometimes they throw in a little Britney Spears and the like. its cute to see the whole family dancing to some dirty rap music, while Andrew and i look at each other like if only they knew....ok, so now maybe you can imagine somewhat what this scene looks like. there's also a red carpet with chairs lining the sides. we are all invited to come sit down. they bang on a gong and the bride and bridesmaids come out, all in matching lime green genie pants sequined outfits, and the bride with big hair and a bigger tiara. so beautiful! definitely more exciting than a white dress....her mother is in bright pink sequined-ness, dragging her it seems by the arm down the isle while the bride laughs, much less formal than a typical wedding. also, everyone is talking and kids are running around everywhere, some naked. i really enjoy the lack of formality and organization. what fun is it to act proper and try and keep everyone in line and have things try to go in perfect order? so then the bride and groom (groom in longsleeved asian style shirt and pants, also lime green) go to a round table at the end of the red carpet and sit, amongst many tacky bright  colored fake flowers and things, and a monk chants into a microphone undistinguishable things. the bride and groom say things i cannot understand to each other, and then a silver platter containing a comb, scissors, and perfume is passed to one/two people at a time. the people with the tray go to the front to take a picture with the bride and groom. eventually i am handed the tray, and paired up with a young man and we go to the front. i feel really silly and unsure of what to do, while people giggle at me. it seems i am supposed to pretend to cut the bride's hair and spray the tops of their heads with the perfume, while we are photographed. apparently it has something to do with a tradition where they actually used to cut your hair, something symbolic like starting a new life. i sure wish i could have that photo....i go to sit down, but another young man would like to be in a photo with me, so i do it again. all the people laugh, and all the other young men are now jealous they were not in a photo with the foreighner. not to worry, later i am pulled into many various family photos. these people are incredibly excited to have me as their guest, and often fight about who's table i will sit at, who will pull out my chair, who will ask me my name, until another one kidnapps me to their table. at dinner i sit at a table with a family of a mother, 2 daughters, one 17 and one 6, and 2 sons of similar ages. the mother took a liking to me and brought me to sit with her family. the older son, maybe 14, speaks a little bit of english so they have him asking me questions, like where are you from, how old are you. they all laugh when none of us can understand each other. what else can you do, really? then the boy says my mother wants to take you to the market on her motorbike. i am not sure why, so i ask Kou if its ok to go and he says its fine, so off we go, the rest of the family waving goodbye enthusiastically and laughing. we pass the market, and she actually takes me to her girlfriend's house to show me off! the faimly is eating dinner, and they all stop to greet me and look at me and discuss me in their language. we cannot speak to each other at all, so i just smile, and when its time to go wave goodbye. this woman was so proud to have me on her bike around the tiny town, everyone looking. i guess i just helped greatly improve her status! we go back to the wedding, and we dance some and hang out. i learned to wait to dance until i am sure i want to, because once we start Brother will not let anyone stop. it doesn't matter if i''m tired and sit down, i am immediately pulled by the arm back to the dancefloor! everybody gets down, grandmas, kids, babies, pregnant women, police officers, etc. once i am tired i sneak away with Mama, there's no chance of saying goodnight and getting away. Mama takes me back to her home, hands me a flashlight and a bowl and pushes me into the outhouse/bathroom, where she instructs me to shower (meaning, use the bowl to dump rainwater from the basin onto yourself). i don't really want to, its been raining so i'm wet anyways. i stand in there for a few minutes, observing spiders and the whole in the ground you pee in. off to bed, a bamboo mat on the floor under a mosquito net. a little girl comes in and starts playing with my hair. at first i was irritated and sleepy, but she was sweet so i sat in front of the mirror while she put pink lipstick on me and powder on my face and pretends to take a picture of me. i find my last friendship bracelet i made, and tie it on her arm . huge smile! now we are friends. usually i'm not that into kids, but there's something about this one. i love her! she is maybe 8-10, i'm terribly at guesing children's ages. i get out my book and we draw pictures until everyone else comes in to sleep.  wow, that's alot of people sleeping on one floor.....but i am happy this way, feeling i belong to the family already. i sleep  wonderfully, listening to the rain and thunder and wind in the palm trees.
i awaken at 7 am to the sound of the blasting music and Brother saying morning Tina!!! (thats what they call me, derived from Kristina) apparently everyone has been up and i missed the part of the ceremony where we walk the newlyweds around the neighborhood to show off. now its time for breakfast, rice and soup, yum! after a few hours its lunch, more rice and soup, and vegetables! not like anything i've had before, but quite delicious. i hang out with my other family, the one with the mother that took me to show off, and the kids dress me in their mother's nice clothes and take pictures with me, and we all laughed. and now i have a new sister, Dina, who is 17. next i find my little girl friend from the night before and watch cartoons and Khmer music videos with her. i think this little girl reminds me of myself as a child, hanging ouy by herself quietly, not all that interested in the festivities. i enjoy being with her and not having to talk or be looked at or laughed at or anything at all. i feel she is the only one who didn't do any of these things, she just seemed to accept me immediately. we have an understanding i think. then its time for all the other guests to arrive, and we go to our table and eat more food, whole friend fishes, beef and pork form the cow and pigs they killed the day before, and vegetables and cashews. at this point the bride has changed outfits atleast 4 times, all very beautiful and brightly colored. now everybody is really getting down, and we have a big dance party. around 5 they shut the music off and everyone is gone, but we shortly move the party to another wedding down the road. before we go i am again taken into the bathroom by my sister Dina, who puts a piece of fabric around me and tells me to take off my dress and squat down. she pours water all over me. they really want me to be washed here. at first it seems strange, but it starts to feel nice to be washed by another person, its a special kind of bonding. imagine if we did this to a guest in America! we are much to awkward to shower with our own family members, let alone a random stranger!
 by this point i am a regular family member with my crowd, and when we show up at the next wedding the people seem extra confused by me, holding my family's babies, dancing with Brother, cheers-ing each other (chull mui!). everyone has a look of confusion and perhaps envy that they don't have foreigner guests. i acquire yet another potential suitor (you have boyfriend? no. i want to marry!) we all dance, until Andrew and i decide its time to go back to Siem Reap, since i have to teach in the morning. i was sad to leave my families. my sister and her family told me they loved me, and miss me. i hope to see them again! if i didn't have to work i would have stayed all weekend! riding the motorbike back to the city, under the stars and trees, smelling the sweet jungle smells, i thought, wow, i'm in Cambodia! that's crazy! what a wonderful time i just had!how am i doing this??
now, back to the daily grind. i'm missing my family, and the jungle. seeing other foreigners on vacations seems overwhelming. i'm used to speaking broken english (I GO SLEEP, MY NAME TINA) and talking to other people here seems like too much now! plus i feel kind of bored and lonely here, with all the backpackers coming and going while i have been here awhile. i'm wondering what to do next.....i have some potential ideas and opportunities up my sleeves.....but for now, i'll just watch the sunset on the roof with the people from the computer next to me (from Virginia as well!) and the 2 guys from Finland i've known a few days now. i guess it will just have to do....just kidding it doesn't get much better!
coming up tomorrow....i'm modeling in a fashion show to benefit the orphanage!

Things I Have Seen On Motorbikes

I think it could help your understanding tremendously to make a list for ya'll of all the things I have seen so far on the motorbike/moped/motorcyle in Southeast Asia. Now to really paint the picture, this is the main form of tranpsortation in these parts, so there are thousands of them everywhere, and very few cars. Not only that, but traffic laws hardly apply (you can bribe the cops with a dollar or something if you get pulled over) so it is completely acceptable to drive on the wrong side of the road, plus stop signs/lights are rare. I actually think it might be safer somehow, you just go slow and everybody watches out for each other. Also, i love that you can drive your motorbike into the store/restaurant you are going to and park it right there!

Things I Have Seen On Motorbikes:
-20 foot long pieces of wood
-small to large trees
-furniture
-large coolers
-30 foot long cables, dragging along on the ground far behind the bike
-dogs, sometimes in the front, sometimes amazingly sitting on the back (how do they not fall off???)
-lots of babies
-families including mom, dad, baby, 3 children
-4+ adults
-one parent, 5 school children, dad holding all of their Angry Birds backpacks
-1-4 male police officers (i think this is cute, i think we are too homophobic in America to do this)
-women riding side saddle
-buckets of anything
-baskets of anything
-people carrying baskets on their head
-drunken tourists
-monkeys
-prostitutes
-lady boys (asian guys dressed as girls, often almost indistinguishable except to the trained eye, watch out tourists men!)
-a very large dead pig

and i am sure there's more i don't remember, but you get the idea. I hope this has greatly increased your understanding of life in Southeast Asia. It's crazy here!

Daily Life

ahhh, how i love the unsupervised, unofficial, chaotic lack of structure in 3rd world countries....this is why i have chosen to come to these places! one of the finest examples of this is The Aquiring of a Job in places such as Cambodia. it's quite simple. I simply went around town and asked if any schools need teachers. No resume, no fancy business casual outfit, no one cares if I graduated college, have a work visa, look funny, plus no taxes, paid in cash! What would have been considered my ''interview'' consisted of the questions ''Do you have experience?'' no, ''Can you handle a classroom of 40 small children?'' sure...?, and "Áre you available to start on Monday?" yeah! Well that was easy....why did i ever try so hard? Clearly, my seemingly laziness and lack of responsibilty and career motivation are just misunderstood personaly traits in America! Obviously, they were just signs that I am meant to live in another culture! Here, laziness is not only socially acceptable, but necessary to survive in such hot temperatures. So I am quite content with working 2 hours a day and spending the rest of my time lounging in a hammock or by the pool drinking fresh coconuts with friends.
So anyways, the experience of teaching in a school here is an excellent opportunity for observation of the life here. First, all the kids in their uniforms of dirty white shirts and blue shorts/skirts "line up" roughly outside, while the principal shouts through a megaphone various English songs and commands such as "clap your hands". I like this part. Then the bell rings and they run into their classrooms. Here they all scream "hello foreign teacher!!! how are you today!!"and I commence their foreign studies portion, meaning i draw pictures of animals on the board and spell them and sing songs with them. (well this is for one class, the other ones are younger and too busy hitting each other, climbing on tables, crying, screaming, etc. for them to hear much I or their regular teacher say, much more like crown control than teaching) My confidence as a teacher to small children was quite low initially, but so far the teachers say I am doing a great job and I speak very clearly and they like my accent. So all in all, very little is required of me. There is a break between classes in which the kids run around outside and buy snacks such as shrimp crisps, and I converse with the other American English teacher and the Cambodian teachers. After the 2nd class is over, its time for siesta, and the gates open and all the parents on motorbikes drive in, right up to the classroom to pick up their child(or up to 5 children on one motorbike even). During this time I observe the dress of all the people in this situation. Kids in their uniforms, teachers wearing black long sleeve and pants business suits, but with flip flops with colorful socks, parents in Angry Birds sweatshirts and pajama pants (the standard cambodian attire, apparently Angry Birds is very popular) and also wearing flip flops or sandals with socks. Everyday here i am baffled by how these people wear sweaters and jeans and hats and gloves. It makes me more sweaty and uncomfortable just looking at them. I just don't get it! I guess the reasoning is that they don't want to get anymore tan, because the whiter you are the higher your status. But really, if i dressed like that i am 110% sure I would have a heat stroke. I already often feel like I might!
Anyways, then I ride my bike through the crazy moped traffic, its really fun! Everyone wants to talk to me too."Helloh teecha! Whas yor nam?'' After that i go to the local market (also a ridiculous overwhelming fun experience) and eat some noodles and various unidentifiable things that sometimes taste really good and sometimes are just confusing, but atleast its cheaper than anywhere else and i get to bask in the attention of being looked at funny. Luckily now they have started to recognize me though.
And then, I purchase and consume the glorious Mango. These mangoes are the best i have ever had! and only 50 cents!!! Yes, life in Cambodia is too easy and good. There is no reason not to stay here, really.
After this I lounge for about 8 hours as mentioned earlier, and occasionally hang out with my local Khmer friends. This is always an interesting, exciting cultural experience. They take me to strange places where few foreigners have dared to go before, and they share with me foods and drinks that also probably few foreginers have dared to attempt to consume before. Oftentimes I cannot even determine what they are. I think i had some sort of duck dish (free range, they are hanging out with us, actually), frog legs (best i've ever had!!! spicy!) water beetles (ok i didn't actually try that one yet, i'm working up to it, they eat them like peanuts, peeling off the wings and spine first), strange leafy but delicious vegetables in spicy sauces with what seems to be some sort of bird liver, something they told me was a passion fruit (it so was not), and little bites of spicy fish wrapped with plastic into a small circle shape. For drinking we have beer with ice usually, although one time i had the misfortune of drinking the palm wine. I shudder at the thought. It did not taste good, but i didn't want to be either rude or wimpy so i had a few glasses. The way they drink here is you cheers everytime, you pretty much never just drink at your own leisure. Its kind of nice to always drink at the same time together. While all of this goes on i enjoy listening to the guys speak Khmer (only some of them know a little English) and laugh kind of nervously when they somewhat jokingly ask if i will be their wife. The courting rituals in countries like this is worthy of its own entire blog post....
So all in all, its great fun and i highly recommend it! (Except the palm wine maybe....)

Aspiring Tomb Raider

yesterday i went to see the temples of Angkor, with my new friend Arthur from London, who was sleeping in the "dorm bed" (still a bed outside with a mosquito net) next to me. what a strange way to meet someone.we were both lying in our mosquito nets in the darkness, in beds facing away from each other, and i decided to just start asking him questions. where are you from? what's your name? etc. but the entire time we talked neither of us could see each other, and we had no idea what the other person looked like! he said he was going to the temples in the morning, and that it would be preposterous for me to come to Siem Reap and not go. we woke up in the morning, agreed it was weird to talk to and sleep next to someone and not know what they look like, and that we looked different than we imagined, and off we went to Angkor in our tuk tuk. quite random, but we ended up enjoying each other's company quite a bit and having an awesome day!
first we went to Angkor Wat, which we later referred to as Sweaty Sweaty, supposedly the largest religious building in the world. for some reason i wasn't all that impressed, maybe it was just all the Japanese tourists with cameras everywhere combined with the heat...next we went to Bayon...or as we called it Crumbly Crumbly. though it appeared to be a giant pile of crumbling rocks, it was in fact a very fun and exciting giant pile of crumbling rocks! i would say this was my favorite temple. it had the feel of a ridiculously old magical temple i'd been hoping to experience, and it was fun to climb around through all the rocks and passageways and tunnels. next we went to....some other temple....we called Rooty Rooty. here tons of huge banyan trees were growing all over the temple and the roots were breaking it apart, looking like something out of Tomb Raider, which was filmed around all these temples! (i only wish i had more of a resemblance to Angelina Jolie, as i think the idea of dressing up as Laura Croft and posing for pictures with tourists for tips is a genius idea) we played tomb raider and ran around for a bit, and after sweating profusely for a few hours now, we were quite tired, and decided we would see one last temple. at this one we heard some loud music coming from somewhere in the jungle. it was inevitable that we followed it. it got louder and louder, and eventually we stumbled upon some sort of Cambodian family celebration, which we eventually figured out what grandmother's birthday party! this is certainly not something you see everyday. little huts in the jungle, and somehow outrageously massive speakers that are perhaps louder than anything i've ever heard, it seemed very out of place. they were playing things like Usher, and JLo, but mixed with a Cambodian beat, reminding me of Reggaeton or something. there are kids dancing around in the dirt, and adults sitting over on the ground eating and drinking. we watch awkwardly for a few moments, feeling very out of place and not sure if we are welcomed or not, until i can't resist going to dance with the kids. they laugh at me as i try to imitate their dancing. soon a woman comes over to me and gestures for us to come sit with them. none of them speak any english at all, except the one who vaguely communicated to me that it was her grandmother's birthday. the woman who got us to come sit takes on a motherly sort of role to me, giving me a glass of ice and beer (actually quite refreshing!) putting unidentifiable yet delicious foods in my mouth, getting us to cheers all the men, as though i was her new white person friend to take care of and show the others. she takes me to dance again with the children and shows me off to the other women, who either also act as a sort of mother or look at me timidly and smiling. i find in my purse my smiley face stickers and give them all out to the kids, who were very excited about this. the grandparents around smiled with approval at me. next more people start joining in the dancing. there's a small table in the middle, and we all dance around it in a counter clockwise direction. at the table a guy continues to fill up cups of beer and bring bowls of food, and each time we dance around the circle a cucumber dipped in some sort of yummy spicy goo is shoveled in my mouth and my beer tipped up. its amazing how giving these people are! they have barely anything, living in this little pile of dirt, with chickens dogs and children of unknown origin running around in the middle of the jungle, and yet they are so happy to have us a guests and celebrate with them. eventually we must go catch our tuk tuk back to town and we say goodbye and thank you (aw kohn!) we ride back to town reflecting on our unbelievable adventures of the day, enjoy some delicious pumpkin curry for dinner, and lounge in hammocks talking to neighbors at our place for the rest of the day.
its inspiring to see how much you can share with people you don't know at all at the beginning of the day, and people who you can't  even verbally communicate with. human connection never fails to amaze me. 

Scambodia

whew! i came close to never escaping that vortex i think, good thing for my expiring visa! its amazing how quickly i can get in a routine and get so comfortable places. definitely was supposed to be there for  reason though. i got very wrapped up in the small subculture of Koh Tao Divers. what an interesting little tiny world. i think part of the magic of this place is just how small the island really is. i think its 21 miles or something like that? i could literally walk the short way across the island in 30 minutes, and i could stand on top of a hill and see the entire island. its pretty awesome to climb on top of a giant rock and see the bays on either side of you, and palm tree groves and what looks like dinosaur land in between. anyways, i got in with the diving crowd there, and of course got convinced to dive. its the cheapest place in the world! and the only other place that certifies more divers per year is in australia! not that im difficult to convince to do anything....so yes, i am now a certified open water diver woo! i feel so accomplished, like i graduated from something! except i would say i enjoyed this much much more than any other class i've been in (although it did include getting up at 6am sometimes....) breathing underwater is such a magical feeling! and floating around like you are in space, except there's schools of fish swimming all around you, wow! and doing the macarena on the bottom of the ocean? can't beat that! so, generally i would rate Koh Tao as a huge success in life, all around. i improved overall as a person i'd say. unfortunately though, i spent my entire time in thailand there...so i couldn't tell you much about the country or the people or culture. oh well. maybe next time. i'm still a little shocked by how trendy and tourist thailand is though, i really had no idea. i guess its like the mexico of the other side of the world, everyone goes there for vacation.
so, i somewhat sadly but readily left koh tao to go back to bangkok. i had a double sad moment when my Lisa and Oli left for the airport in the same hour. suddenly i was alone in a foreign country.....luckily i'm too awesome to be left alone for any extended amount of time, and it only took less than 5 minutes of pouting at my lonely table for someone to ask if i wanted to come sit with them. yay!
so then i was faced with the ultimate dilemma in life (for me personally) making a....decision. i know, its terrifying. and i haven't flipped any more coins since Fiama told me she didn't care what the coin said i had to stay in koh tao! i listened, and she was right....so anyways, my visa was expiring the next day, and i had been "planning" (impossible) to go to Chiang Mai and go on a visa run to the border of Laos or something to extend my visa. i was unsure about it for some reason though. i became more unsure when i went to buy my bus ticket and the next bus wasn't until 6pm  the next day. 24+ hours in bangkok?! and then i see that the bus to Cambodia is 8am! several people had recently said to me i should go to cambodia. SOLD. I'll take it! i bargain with a thai person for a Cambodia Lonely Planet book, and this is the first time i make a thai person laugh! aww, too bad i''m leaving the next day, i finally understood their humor. quite stoic these people seem to me...
so. next morning. the bus turns out to be a van. interesting. i befriend some ridiculously cute British girls name Camille, Gemma, and Bella. its a pretty uneventful ride. things i observed: 1. i would say 80% of taxis in bangkok are hot metallic pink. 2. the countryside of thailand in some places could be any farmland in america, plus palm trees. not that exciting overall. whilst riding, i read in my book that the border crossing from thailand to cambodia can be a little shifty, like they might try to overcharge you for your visa. hmm. thus begins the most ridiculous, unnecessarily complicated and time consuming, disorganized, unofficial, somewhat sheisty Crossing of the Border....
we are taken to a restaurant on the side of the road where they are very smiley and tell us this is where we buy our visas, for $40 (its supposed to be $20) i refuse to pay, and luckily so do the British girls, because then the rest of our van leaves without us....theres about 5 minutes of awkward what's going to happen now...? and then the woman tells us we can pay $30 and leave. we opt to pay, because the other options seems to be don't pay and don't leave....so now we are taken to the border, where cambodian guys in their best business attire are assigned it seems to groups of us foreigners to "help" us through this process. really, it seemed pretty easy, and i don't know why they needed to brief us on what was going to happen. simply put, we go through thai immigration where they take our departure card, then we go through cambodia immigration where they stamp our passport. next they put us on a bus to a bus that actually goes to Siem Reap, our final destination. now, this is no ordinary bus ride. this is as though you were in a sauna and a bus t the same time! i must have burned 1000 calories! cambodia is absolutely the hottest place i've ever been. ever. like i have been sweating more than i ever have in any sauna. it makes it impossible to do anything, and my clothes are constantly soaking wet and dripping. really. ok, so this is why its off season now.....ok, why was a guided here, intuition? this better be good...
so now i've been here in Siem Reap for 2 nights. i;ve made some friends, but really i am enjoying being alone. finally! i said it! actually, it starts to feel incredibly liberating to be traveling alone, or doing anything alone. i feel like i am a capable, independent, responsible human being. maybe i shouldn't go that far...i did lose several important papers within less than 24 hours of my initial traveling alone time. but it worked out ok! i am aware that i am unusually lucky. in fact today i told someone that fact, and an hour later i was sitting under a mango tree and mango fell right beside me. a cambodian person goes oh look! you are very lucky! so, in conclusion, i am going to be just fine!
Cambodia is an interesting country. as soon as i entered i determined that they are quite friendly, always smiling and saying hello (unlike my thailand experience where they seemed annoyed by my existence often) as well as that this is a very poor country. i don't think i've been anywhere quite like this. sometimes it reminds me of sri lanka, the lack of anything familiar like 7-11, the animals everywhere in the streets, the colors. the kids here are so awesome. they are not at all shy, and they are hustlers! selling their mom's jewelry in the streets, dancing outside of the bars at night, i see them hustling people for money for milk and such, they are quite smart. but its also strange for me to see kids working at such young ages. this country also has quite a history of struggle. genocide, war, problems with Vietnam and Thailand (they don't seem to get along too well), poverty, famine. it makes me very appreciative of the life i live. its a great learning experience to see these kind of things though. luckily the country seems to be in a much better state now, and they people are happy to be at peace for the most part.
today i walked around town with an irish guy staying at the same place as me. oh, that's another fun thing to describe. i am staying for $1 a night, where my bed is pretty much just outside with a mosquito net, amongst other beds, and there's a tin roof and a sort of shack like wall-less structure. but the restaurant is nice, with a free internet, good food, and a rooftop with  great view of the sunset. there's lots of other backpackers here, so i feel at home. anyways, this guy showed me to a Buddhist temple that i had wanted to visit that was on the map. there were monks sitting around, and people playing traditional Cambodian music, and families coming to the temple lighting incense and candles. it was quite nice. it definitely brought some peace to my restless indecisive soul. i realized i'm exactly where i need to be, and to just keep trusting the force that guides me to all these crazy places each day. i am on the right path, whatever it is, and i must continue to spread my light and joy with people everywhere.
i also found where the school is and perhaps can go there tomorrow and see if they need any english teachers. i also got some information about a school in Phnom Penh where they need teachers too. so i will see how things go here, and then perhaps mozy on down to "the pearl of Asia", the capital of Cambodia, and see if i can find some sort of work! and perhaps while i'm here i will go see Angkor Wat, supposedly the largest religious building in the world, and the temple where Tomb Raider was filmed!

wow, its much more complicated to update my blog when everything is in thai....but luckily i figured it out!

i've adjusted and accepted thailand for the most part now. culture shock is a strange thing...and its hard to leave awesome people and places, but i'm learning that that can happen everywhere you go! and anyways, i cant really complain about being on a beautiful tropical island, swimming with fishes in the coral reef, doing yoga in a hut in the jungle while its raining, entertaining the tourists with fire dancing at night with the thai guys (wow they are good!!!), riding around on scooters, and eating delicious thai food everyday. yeah, not so bad. im just a bit dramatic, thats all.

this island is definitely some sort of vortex. possibly inescapable. each day i have said im leaving the next day, and im still here! ive given up at this point, and accepted my fate of needing to be here for some reason.

Why Like This???

I am currently in Koh Tao thailand, hiding in my room suffering from extreme sri lanka withdrawls. I am really questioning my decision to leave, but im trying to keep believing fate brought me here for some reason. Bangkok was pretty extreme culture shock. I hadnt seen freeways, 7-11, large amounts of white people for 2 months! My initial reaction was unpleasant. Contrary to the feeling i had as soon as i got off the plane in sri lanka, love at first sight, i thought oh dear god, why did i come here?? But luckily within a few hours i ran into my israeli girlfriends from sri lanka! We were so excited to see someone from our sri lanka group, and they understood exactly how i was feeling, and said when they first left sri lanka and came to thailand they felt the same and went back to sri lanka again. We concluded that so far the only things here better than sri lanka we have experienced are the fireworks and shopping. Minor details. So now im trying to give thailand a chance, but wondering if i should just go back. Sri lanka is the first place ive been where i felt like this, like i wanted to stay. Usually i love going somewhere new! Maybe this is just what its like to be a traveler though. I just fell so madly in love with the people there, the food, all of it. And Hansa Surf crew is the best everrrr!

So i dont know why i decided to leave, it was a last minute decision. Suddenly i was on a 9 hour train ride to colombo (most beautiful train ride ever!) and then on a plane and then another train and then in Bangkok. I flip a coin if i should stay in the city or go with adam and lisa down south to the islands. It says go, so i buy a last minute overnight bus ticket. I question this decision, until the italian girl next to me on the bus asks if i'd like a valium. Why yes! That certainly helped me sleep and let go of my sri lanka missing anxiety. Next thing you know the sun is rising and we are on a ferry to the island. Its very beautiful here, but still doesn't quite do it for me yet. Maybe i just miss the friendly locals and eating with my hands and being a minority. Maybe i need to give it more of a chance, i dont know. Today Fiama from the bus and i rented a moped and drove around the island and we are now sharing a room. Its really spectacular kind of being on your own and sharing experiences with strangers. I dont know why im complaining really, im on a tropical island with beautiful views and delicious curry. but i still dont think this island is the one for me. Fiama has inspired me to explore some alone, free of anyone else's schedule or expectations. Maybe tomorrow i will go somewhere new, or back to bangkok to be with israeli people again ( they are so great! They make me feel like family and they have the funnest holidays ever!)

I'd like to see a little more culture here than tourists on vacation. I've really enjoyed learning Sinhalese in sri lanka, and a little bit of other languages from friends. So, what to do? I have no idea...much more coin flipping is needed. Yes, this is how i make major life decisions...

To sum it up, right now i feel crazy, invited in many directions, india, cambodia, laos, europe, israel, morocco, australia, as well as emotionally and culturally shocked. I just love everyone i meet and all these places so much that i dont know what to do with myself. Travelling is the ultimate lesson of nonattatchment. You just have to remember that there is so much more to see, people to meet and love to share.

So, if anyone has any ideas of what i should do next, please share!

Coming up next on the agenda is finding some work.

Sri Lankar and Cheese

well, i've neglected my blog to the point that i feel awkward posting again. like i have to catch up on all i haven't written about, and the longer i put that off the more work it seems like. so quick overview, i had a merry chirstmas with the family in virginia, reunited with my Smeesa, and began our journey across the world. Starting with a fun stay in Baltimore with Marina, Herdon, Virginia with Mindy and Mike (namaste!) and then New York City with Virginia! Experiencing New York's first snow of the year made me extra extra extra excited to be going somewhere tropical, so thanks for that. It was so very excellent to reunite with my old friend Virginia! We haven't seen each other since high school, but it seems we still have much in common I'd say. Love of black clothing, black coffee, bling, Lil Wayne, etc. Its good. Then we began our 24 hour epic trip across the world! It didn't seem so bad. In fact, it only got more and more exciting. There's nothing like apirplane culture shock, where suddenly you are the minority, fewer and fewer people speak english, and the announcements over the intercom are in some crazy language. Arabic then Sinhalese i think? I love it. So we flew from New york, to Bahrain, to Sri Lanka. The only other white person on the last plane was *gasp!* another blonde guy with dreadlocks! I'm pretty sure all the other people thought we were somehow related.
So then we spent a few days in Colombo, then hit up some beach towns in the south, including, Unawatuna, Galle, and Hikkaduwa. Then we took the bus inland to Ehiliyagoda where we hung out in the jungle with monkeys, explored the rainforest and saw tea plantations and cinnamon farms.
Next we conquered Adam's Peak, a famous religious pilgrimage. For some reason we took the long way, and it took us 14 hours! 14 hours of stairs only. It was a bit traumatizing, and right afterwards i would have never recommended such thing to anyone in their right mind. But after recovering for a few days, i started to feel....different....like something happened to me on that mountain. I don't know if its just the sense of accomplishment for doing the hardest thing i've ever done, or if that place really is magical. I'd say both, and i highly recommend it.
Now we are back in Hikkaduwa, definitely our favorite beach town. There's just something about this place. Its an interesting mix of local culture and cultures from all over the world. We celebrated my birthday here, which really wasn't much different than any other day. Beach. Ocean. Rice and Curry. Dancing. General Merriment. People singing happy birthday to me. Oh yes and my delicious coconut banana cake yum!
So I guess that is the sum up for now. That time of day is approaching where I must nap. Check out Lisa's blog for more details: www.lisamariehanson.blogspot.com

oh, hello blog! its been awhile hasn't it? i've become even more electronically deprived, as i have lost my phone. again. i know, its terrible, i just can't keep any of this stuff going! but no, i have not died, or fallen off the face of the earth. although, i do feel as though i have been through a sort of symbolic death, or transformation of sorts, simply by becoming so isolated from everything i know. people, technology, all things i know of my previous life. i guess i have reached the goal i was trying to achieve when i initially started traveling, to become totally wild and free.
so, where have i been...i guess we last left off in oregon. i enjoyed some wonderful time exploring all the major cities of oregon, spending time in hot springs decompressing from the stress of my fabulous life, meeting lisa's wonderful cousin Rebecca and her adorable baby, Sophia, and making lots and lots of new friends! its so easy to meet and connect with people in oregon, it seems to me. everywhere i went people were so friendly and open and giving. people i just met would invite us to come stay at their house, or make us dinner, or invite us to come stay with them in Sri Lanka!
while i was fire dancing i met another traveler from Switzerland, Kevin, who asked if he could play guitar while i danced. we decided that we collaborated quite well and were connected in our desire to inspire the world by sharing our music and dance, and to be free and explore everything. so we brought him and another new friend to Thanksgiving at Lisa's mom's house in Lebanon. (insert typical holiday feasting here) next thing you know, we are continuing to travel south, since we both wanted to head in the direction of warmer weather. (sorry oregon, but i can't get down with snow) so far we have been traveling south on the coast, from Gold Beach to San Francisco currently. among the highlights we've camped by enormous redwoods, stayed with a guy named Matt in Fort Bragg who took us mushroom hunting and cooked us to most delicious pasta with fresh chanterelle mushroom and dungeness crab, camped in a closed camp ground on the beach, and so many other things i can't even remember. yesterday i rode a ferry from Sausolito across the bay to San Francisco at night, getting a great view of the Golden Gate and Oakland Bay Bridges. we've made some money street performing, and hope to do some more while we are here, although there seems to be alot of competition! we are couch surfing at a guy's house here from the couch surfing website. today i've learned that you must jump out and wave at the bus, or its not going to stop, and several different busses come to the same stop, so you must know which one you need to get on. i do not. i've had to ask alot of people for help...
so, i don't know what's going to happen next, but i'm doing what i've wanted to do. i'm exploring the world and sharing my creativity, and being pushed to grow in so many ways, from getting rid of everything i own, to learning how to survive in the wilderness, to navigating new cities on my own. i'm one with the flow, letting the wind take me wherever it is i need to go next. trusting my intuition and gut always works, always leading me to the right places, the right people, at the right time. a man i met a few days ago told me he recognized me as an angel in this world, and that he was here to remind me that i am on my mission, and that i'm doing a great job and i am supported and loved. it was so special, just another affirmation that i am right on schedule with whatever it is that is happening that is so much bigger than me.

Come On Baby Light My Fire

ok...so i'm sure some of you are getting very annoyed with my lack of blogging and pictures...and i have encountered a new problem, along with little cell phone service and my internet not working on my computer...my camera won't work now too! what a pain! it may have somehow erased my photos too! yargggg

so hopefully this video will appease your anger somewhat...i have pursued a new career interest of fire dancing! i was getting kind of bored with my regular hula hoop, so i had to take it to the next level. fire! (100% safe and danger free...) so far so good. no burns or disasters, plus a lovely assistant (Lisa) to sport the fire extinguisher (she likes safety). people here have been very supportive! everywhere i have asked to do it, the people in charge are very excited to have me, and my audiences have been very encouraging as well! lots of love. its been really exciting, i can cross off another thing on the list of things i want to do. it seems the things on this list have been getting crazier and crazier. i am discovering about myself that i definitely like a little bit of adrenaline. it makes me feel so alive! i am discovering more and more of the endless possibilities of life, and dreaming bigger and bigger, and watching my dreams become my reality and being amazed each time. maybe all this lack of technology and communication has really driven me off the deep end. or maybe living in a way that is more connected to nature and people has awakened a deeper part of my explosive true nature. its intense. in fact, it scares me a little. whats next? hunting? sky diving? rock climbing? scuba diving in Australia? i want to do everything!

for halloween we went to Ashland, where we heard they are REALLY into halloween and have an awesome parade. well, its true, Ashland has the best halloween i've seen! i would describe it as a family friendly mardi gras. Streets closed down and crowded with people in outrageous costumes (the "parade") beating drums and dancing around like insane tribal people. pretty epic. then we went to stay the night in a teepee village in the hills outside of town, and drank homemade mead and apple cider, and did another fire dancing performance. slept in a huge teepee set up for guests, where other travelers and a family slept. i woke up to drinking cowboy coffee over a fire and bow and arrow hunting. i don't think i could live like that full time, but it was a great experience, and i totally recommend it if you are interested in living somewhere beautiful for $1 a day.

hmm what else....there's lots of deer here. like in the city, walking around in the middle of the day. everywhere. its kind of weird.

so yes. the conclusion is: Oregon is definitely making me wilder, or at least realize that i'm wild at heart. i have a burning desire to be completely wild and free, travel the world, fire dance, and do more and more extreme things. things that scare me a little bit. things that wake me up. things i've denied myself the ability, the permission, the strength, to do. i don't really know what all these things are. yet. but its happening, i can feel it. this is why i exist!

my ultimate goal is to inspire you to do whatever it is that lights your fire too!

Free

you are probably wondering what has happened to me. well, lots of great things are happening to me! but unfortunately, mu computer has not been working, so there are no pictures, and i haven't been able to update until now...since san diego i've worked on an alpaca farm in Lebanon, explored the rainforest and soaked in hot springs, ate some delicious rosemary potato pizza and went on a high desert run in Bend, hung out with Lisa's cousin an her beautiful baby in Williams, assisted slightly in the moving of a teepee village in the mountains of Ashland, and met some wonderful, genuine people all throughout Oregon. the stars and moon here are brighter than i've ever seen them, the trees are taller, forests greener and more alive, and i myself feel more alive because of it all. so far its been pretty amazing, like a dreamy fairy tale land. i haven't had much cell phone service or internet access, but i have to admit while i'm sure thats a little frustrating for everyone else, i have been secretly enjoying it. i feel disconnected from my former life, and immersed in a new adventure all my own. i have been living so presently, not worrying, moment to moment, finding exactly what i need when i need it, effortlessly, just flowing through this new experience. its quite wonderful! i have no idea where i'm going to go tomorrow or what i'm going to do or who i'm going to meet, but i know and trust that it is right on track and in alignment with exactly what i need. i really love it here, but am also open to whatever opportunities i encounter. i will work on making some pictures happen...i haven't even been taking very many, its kind of impossible to capture the beauty here. so i'm just going to keep on keeping on! wish you were here!

bree and i with our musician friend Todd Day Wait that we all went to see last night. excellent music! check him out at www.tdwpigpen.com

Inspiration

dead tree turned sculpture
a wonderful painting by Lisa in Bree's room! the middle has the tag from a Yogi tea bag that says "you are infinite"
"Ecstasy Singing"
a painting by Bree's friend
art in Luke's friend's room
the lovely but painfully cold Pacific ocean
kelp
more palm trees
workin at Haggo's Organic Tacos
Haggo himself
my friend Chef April and I
yummy organic tacos!
and a little somethin I made too!

this post turned out to be categorized as things that are inspirational that i have encountered here. art, landscape, and food and people. today my friend April asked me to come fill in at Haggo's Organic Tacos in Leucadia. its like a food truck permanently parked in a pretty little spot. it was fun and inspiring meeting and hanging out with Haggo and his new restaurant of all organic yumminess, and watching him and April cook while i cashiered. i will be there tomorrow as well come see me!
i've gone through so many emotions in the past 2 weeks, just waiting to go to Oregon. sometimes i was unsure and nervous, but now i am feeling totally inspired and excited. i am so grateful to have had so many opportunities here! i've worked at the farmers market, at Lotus Cafe, and Haggos, and reached the monetary goal i projected for amazingly. its been so fun doing a little of this and a little of that, and i feel more confident that i can make it happen in new places just as well. i can't wait to be in a new place and start a new life as a new person! yesterday a storm came in, and i watched the wind blow to the north, all the trees and flags pointing that direction, and i could feel it blowing me too. i don't know what it is, but the fact that i am being drawn towards the north is something in which i am absolutely certain. for someone so wishy washy and indecisive, it feels very good to feel certain about something...
so, here i go again. i probably won't have cell phone access for a few days while at Lisa's mom's alpaca farm in Lebanon, but hopefully internet! then i think we are going to check out Ashland, Oregon in the first week. honestly, i don't really have much of an idea about what i'm going to be doing or seeing or anything at all. i guess that's the fun in it. blank canvas, ya know?

Pesto Brown Rice Spaghetti with Lima Beans
1 cup fresh lima beans (we got some from the farmers market!)
1 red onion, chopped
5 cloves diced garlic
1 yellow and one red tomato, chopped
2-3 servings brown rice spaghetti
1 jar-ish pesto
2 tbsp olive oil
cilantro garnish

boil water and cook pasta, adding lima beans to cook the last 5 minutes. meanwhile, saute garlic in oil with onion. Once pasta is done, drain and add noodles and lima beans to the onion and garlic. Add tomatoes and pesto and cook on low until heated, about 5 minutes. serve and garnish with cilantro, and any cheese you might like. (we used some sort of spicy fire roasted mozarella from the farmers market)

Where in the World is Kristen San Diego?

sunset time!




palm trees!

Brooks and I with our new looks
Brooks (weird face), Bree, me, and Kate. girls reunited!
bonfire beach party!
Kelsey and I with organic yerba mate beer...so californian
nectarines and peaches!
Bree and I workin the farmers market

today i had to take my camera on my run, because its just so pretty! so that's what most of these pictures are....i forgot how beautiful it is here and how awesome it is to exercise on the beach! sunset time is my favorite, the lighting is just so pretty! yep, there's nothing like going for a run on the beach and living a block away. I have to admit i'm totally falling in love again with California. definitely better than Indiana.
I'm having so much fun working at the farmer's markets with Bree! playing with fruits all day and eating them, trading them for lots of delicious vegetables and hummus and stuff, and getting paid daily in CASH. so great! plus its fun to go to new towns instead of being stuck working in the same place everyday, and its also pretty funny to ride around in a big white van. its definitely hard work though, but it feels good to do work that's like extremely hard exercise. and i sure do love not having to pay for all my food...
its also really nice to be here but be out of the little bubble i was in before. i feel like i didn't even fully get to appreciate all the greatness here because my job sucked alot of the life out of me. now i feel like i'm seeing things for the first time, and noticing so many things i never saw before.
i'm still very excited about Oregon, but instead of feeling more clear and sure about things like i hoped, i continue to feel more confused by all the opportunities that are popping up here. i don't really know what to think. but if its too cold in Oregon for me to make it and things don't start working out before i run out of money, i sure am happy to know that i have a place by the beach to come back to! i feel like such a crazy person with a ridiculous life. i also feel like i probably drive people around me crazy with my indecisiveness and rash decisions. but it seems i am loved and accepted for it anyways...what more could i ask for?
so, i still mostly have no idea what i'm doing, but i do know that i'm excited about it, whatever it is. and from the pictures, my life looks pretty darn good to me!

Guess Who's Back, Back Again

st louis arch
texas sunrise
new mexico rocks
terrifying dinosaur attack
arizona can be surprisingly pretty!
after 3 days of desert, finally back in the forest in Flagstaff, Arizona
red rocks of Sedona, Arizona





7,000 foot high tree pose




draw!



in the vortex
then suddenly back to desert....
i really get a kick out of saguaro cacti!

and back to California! not so pretty right on the border....just a big pile of sand

its been a busy week! we drove from Indiana to California in 3 days, through Illinois, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico (the land of enchantment), and Arizona. we camped a night in Oklahoma, where we were the only campers in RV park, and the designated camping area was a patch of grass by the bathrooms....but we came out on top because we got there late and got up so early that no one was there to pay, so free camping woo! saw a nice texas sunrise and drove for so long in such flat places that i even missed the corn fields to look at. i really loved Sedona, it just seems to pop up out of nowhere. everything is deserty and brown and then you drive up a mountain and there's a beautiful forest and red rocks and it just feels so good there! supposedly there are a few spots there that are some sort of spiritual energy vortexes. so we went to those (they were depicted as a little swirly tornado looking doodle on the map), and saw stunning views, and perhaps got zapped by the vortex or something. i felt a little different i guess. definitely a little crazy and shook up, but in a good way. maybe that's just from the sudden complete flip in my life. i went from having a daily routine that i went through every day in Indiana, and now I'm all over the place! But its fun, I love change. It seems like things change so much each day, and i have no idea what is going to happen the next day. Like I was expecting to work at my old job, but when i got here they didn't put me on the schedule. But then my friend Bree who i'm staying with asked me to help her work at farmer's markets, so I've been doing that. So lots of things like that, where I feel like i can't even make plans for the next day, much less week, because things are changing all the time! It's a little overwhelming. Plus I am so tired from and unsettled feeling from traveling and then working the first 3 days i got here, getting up at 4 and 5am. Today is the first day i've been able to stop and sit still. I've definitely been having tons of fun seeing all my friends here, and I love working at the farmers markets and making good money with a friend. So things are good. I am stuffed with all the things we sell at work, nectarines, peaches, grapes, almonds and apples. I am happy to be in the sunshine at the beach. And I am so ready for a nap right now.