wow, its much more complicated to update my blog when everything is in thai....but luckily i figured it out!

i've adjusted and accepted thailand for the most part now. culture shock is a strange thing...and its hard to leave awesome people and places, but i'm learning that that can happen everywhere you go! and anyways, i cant really complain about being on a beautiful tropical island, swimming with fishes in the coral reef, doing yoga in a hut in the jungle while its raining, entertaining the tourists with fire dancing at night with the thai guys (wow they are good!!!), riding around on scooters, and eating delicious thai food everyday. yeah, not so bad. im just a bit dramatic, thats all.

this island is definitely some sort of vortex. possibly inescapable. each day i have said im leaving the next day, and im still here! ive given up at this point, and accepted my fate of needing to be here for some reason.

Why Like This???

I am currently in Koh Tao thailand, hiding in my room suffering from extreme sri lanka withdrawls. I am really questioning my decision to leave, but im trying to keep believing fate brought me here for some reason. Bangkok was pretty extreme culture shock. I hadnt seen freeways, 7-11, large amounts of white people for 2 months! My initial reaction was unpleasant. Contrary to the feeling i had as soon as i got off the plane in sri lanka, love at first sight, i thought oh dear god, why did i come here?? But luckily within a few hours i ran into my israeli girlfriends from sri lanka! We were so excited to see someone from our sri lanka group, and they understood exactly how i was feeling, and said when they first left sri lanka and came to thailand they felt the same and went back to sri lanka again. We concluded that so far the only things here better than sri lanka we have experienced are the fireworks and shopping. Minor details. So now im trying to give thailand a chance, but wondering if i should just go back. Sri lanka is the first place ive been where i felt like this, like i wanted to stay. Usually i love going somewhere new! Maybe this is just what its like to be a traveler though. I just fell so madly in love with the people there, the food, all of it. And Hansa Surf crew is the best everrrr!

So i dont know why i decided to leave, it was a last minute decision. Suddenly i was on a 9 hour train ride to colombo (most beautiful train ride ever!) and then on a plane and then another train and then in Bangkok. I flip a coin if i should stay in the city or go with adam and lisa down south to the islands. It says go, so i buy a last minute overnight bus ticket. I question this decision, until the italian girl next to me on the bus asks if i'd like a valium. Why yes! That certainly helped me sleep and let go of my sri lanka missing anxiety. Next thing you know the sun is rising and we are on a ferry to the island. Its very beautiful here, but still doesn't quite do it for me yet. Maybe i just miss the friendly locals and eating with my hands and being a minority. Maybe i need to give it more of a chance, i dont know. Today Fiama from the bus and i rented a moped and drove around the island and we are now sharing a room. Its really spectacular kind of being on your own and sharing experiences with strangers. I dont know why im complaining really, im on a tropical island with beautiful views and delicious curry. but i still dont think this island is the one for me. Fiama has inspired me to explore some alone, free of anyone else's schedule or expectations. Maybe tomorrow i will go somewhere new, or back to bangkok to be with israeli people again ( they are so great! They make me feel like family and they have the funnest holidays ever!)

I'd like to see a little more culture here than tourists on vacation. I've really enjoyed learning Sinhalese in sri lanka, and a little bit of other languages from friends. So, what to do? I have no idea...much more coin flipping is needed. Yes, this is how i make major life decisions...

To sum it up, right now i feel crazy, invited in many directions, india, cambodia, laos, europe, israel, morocco, australia, as well as emotionally and culturally shocked. I just love everyone i meet and all these places so much that i dont know what to do with myself. Travelling is the ultimate lesson of nonattatchment. You just have to remember that there is so much more to see, people to meet and love to share.

So, if anyone has any ideas of what i should do next, please share!

Coming up next on the agenda is finding some work.

Sri Lankar and Cheese

well, i've neglected my blog to the point that i feel awkward posting again. like i have to catch up on all i haven't written about, and the longer i put that off the more work it seems like. so quick overview, i had a merry chirstmas with the family in virginia, reunited with my Smeesa, and began our journey across the world. Starting with a fun stay in Baltimore with Marina, Herdon, Virginia with Mindy and Mike (namaste!) and then New York City with Virginia! Experiencing New York's first snow of the year made me extra extra extra excited to be going somewhere tropical, so thanks for that. It was so very excellent to reunite with my old friend Virginia! We haven't seen each other since high school, but it seems we still have much in common I'd say. Love of black clothing, black coffee, bling, Lil Wayne, etc. Its good. Then we began our 24 hour epic trip across the world! It didn't seem so bad. In fact, it only got more and more exciting. There's nothing like apirplane culture shock, where suddenly you are the minority, fewer and fewer people speak english, and the announcements over the intercom are in some crazy language. Arabic then Sinhalese i think? I love it. So we flew from New york, to Bahrain, to Sri Lanka. The only other white person on the last plane was *gasp!* another blonde guy with dreadlocks! I'm pretty sure all the other people thought we were somehow related.
So then we spent a few days in Colombo, then hit up some beach towns in the south, including, Unawatuna, Galle, and Hikkaduwa. Then we took the bus inland to Ehiliyagoda where we hung out in the jungle with monkeys, explored the rainforest and saw tea plantations and cinnamon farms.
Next we conquered Adam's Peak, a famous religious pilgrimage. For some reason we took the long way, and it took us 14 hours! 14 hours of stairs only. It was a bit traumatizing, and right afterwards i would have never recommended such thing to anyone in their right mind. But after recovering for a few days, i started to feel....different....like something happened to me on that mountain. I don't know if its just the sense of accomplishment for doing the hardest thing i've ever done, or if that place really is magical. I'd say both, and i highly recommend it.
Now we are back in Hikkaduwa, definitely our favorite beach town. There's just something about this place. Its an interesting mix of local culture and cultures from all over the world. We celebrated my birthday here, which really wasn't much different than any other day. Beach. Ocean. Rice and Curry. Dancing. General Merriment. People singing happy birthday to me. Oh yes and my delicious coconut banana cake yum!
So I guess that is the sum up for now. That time of day is approaching where I must nap. Check out Lisa's blog for more details: www.lisamariehanson.blogspot.com

oh, hello blog! its been awhile hasn't it? i've become even more electronically deprived, as i have lost my phone. again. i know, its terrible, i just can't keep any of this stuff going! but no, i have not died, or fallen off the face of the earth. although, i do feel as though i have been through a sort of symbolic death, or transformation of sorts, simply by becoming so isolated from everything i know. people, technology, all things i know of my previous life. i guess i have reached the goal i was trying to achieve when i initially started traveling, to become totally wild and free.
so, where have i been...i guess we last left off in oregon. i enjoyed some wonderful time exploring all the major cities of oregon, spending time in hot springs decompressing from the stress of my fabulous life, meeting lisa's wonderful cousin Rebecca and her adorable baby, Sophia, and making lots and lots of new friends! its so easy to meet and connect with people in oregon, it seems to me. everywhere i went people were so friendly and open and giving. people i just met would invite us to come stay at their house, or make us dinner, or invite us to come stay with them in Sri Lanka!
while i was fire dancing i met another traveler from Switzerland, Kevin, who asked if he could play guitar while i danced. we decided that we collaborated quite well and were connected in our desire to inspire the world by sharing our music and dance, and to be free and explore everything. so we brought him and another new friend to Thanksgiving at Lisa's mom's house in Lebanon. (insert typical holiday feasting here) next thing you know, we are continuing to travel south, since we both wanted to head in the direction of warmer weather. (sorry oregon, but i can't get down with snow) so far we have been traveling south on the coast, from Gold Beach to San Francisco currently. among the highlights we've camped by enormous redwoods, stayed with a guy named Matt in Fort Bragg who took us mushroom hunting and cooked us to most delicious pasta with fresh chanterelle mushroom and dungeness crab, camped in a closed camp ground on the beach, and so many other things i can't even remember. yesterday i rode a ferry from Sausolito across the bay to San Francisco at night, getting a great view of the Golden Gate and Oakland Bay Bridges. we've made some money street performing, and hope to do some more while we are here, although there seems to be alot of competition! we are couch surfing at a guy's house here from the couch surfing website. today i've learned that you must jump out and wave at the bus, or its not going to stop, and several different busses come to the same stop, so you must know which one you need to get on. i do not. i've had to ask alot of people for help...
so, i don't know what's going to happen next, but i'm doing what i've wanted to do. i'm exploring the world and sharing my creativity, and being pushed to grow in so many ways, from getting rid of everything i own, to learning how to survive in the wilderness, to navigating new cities on my own. i'm one with the flow, letting the wind take me wherever it is i need to go next. trusting my intuition and gut always works, always leading me to the right places, the right people, at the right time. a man i met a few days ago told me he recognized me as an angel in this world, and that he was here to remind me that i am on my mission, and that i'm doing a great job and i am supported and loved. it was so special, just another affirmation that i am right on schedule with whatever it is that is happening that is so much bigger than me.

Come On Baby Light My Fire

ok...so i'm sure some of you are getting very annoyed with my lack of blogging and pictures...and i have encountered a new problem, along with little cell phone service and my internet not working on my computer...my camera won't work now too! what a pain! it may have somehow erased my photos too! yargggg

so hopefully this video will appease your anger somewhat...i have pursued a new career interest of fire dancing! i was getting kind of bored with my regular hula hoop, so i had to take it to the next level. fire! (100% safe and danger free...) so far so good. no burns or disasters, plus a lovely assistant (Lisa) to sport the fire extinguisher (she likes safety). people here have been very supportive! everywhere i have asked to do it, the people in charge are very excited to have me, and my audiences have been very encouraging as well! lots of love. its been really exciting, i can cross off another thing on the list of things i want to do. it seems the things on this list have been getting crazier and crazier. i am discovering about myself that i definitely like a little bit of adrenaline. it makes me feel so alive! i am discovering more and more of the endless possibilities of life, and dreaming bigger and bigger, and watching my dreams become my reality and being amazed each time. maybe all this lack of technology and communication has really driven me off the deep end. or maybe living in a way that is more connected to nature and people has awakened a deeper part of my explosive true nature. its intense. in fact, it scares me a little. whats next? hunting? sky diving? rock climbing? scuba diving in Australia? i want to do everything!

for halloween we went to Ashland, where we heard they are REALLY into halloween and have an awesome parade. well, its true, Ashland has the best halloween i've seen! i would describe it as a family friendly mardi gras. Streets closed down and crowded with people in outrageous costumes (the "parade") beating drums and dancing around like insane tribal people. pretty epic. then we went to stay the night in a teepee village in the hills outside of town, and drank homemade mead and apple cider, and did another fire dancing performance. slept in a huge teepee set up for guests, where other travelers and a family slept. i woke up to drinking cowboy coffee over a fire and bow and arrow hunting. i don't think i could live like that full time, but it was a great experience, and i totally recommend it if you are interested in living somewhere beautiful for $1 a day.

hmm what else....there's lots of deer here. like in the city, walking around in the middle of the day. everywhere. its kind of weird.

so yes. the conclusion is: Oregon is definitely making me wilder, or at least realize that i'm wild at heart. i have a burning desire to be completely wild and free, travel the world, fire dance, and do more and more extreme things. things that scare me a little bit. things that wake me up. things i've denied myself the ability, the permission, the strength, to do. i don't really know what all these things are. yet. but its happening, i can feel it. this is why i exist!

my ultimate goal is to inspire you to do whatever it is that lights your fire too!

Free

you are probably wondering what has happened to me. well, lots of great things are happening to me! but unfortunately, mu computer has not been working, so there are no pictures, and i haven't been able to update until now...since san diego i've worked on an alpaca farm in Lebanon, explored the rainforest and soaked in hot springs, ate some delicious rosemary potato pizza and went on a high desert run in Bend, hung out with Lisa's cousin an her beautiful baby in Williams, assisted slightly in the moving of a teepee village in the mountains of Ashland, and met some wonderful, genuine people all throughout Oregon. the stars and moon here are brighter than i've ever seen them, the trees are taller, forests greener and more alive, and i myself feel more alive because of it all. so far its been pretty amazing, like a dreamy fairy tale land. i haven't had much cell phone service or internet access, but i have to admit while i'm sure thats a little frustrating for everyone else, i have been secretly enjoying it. i feel disconnected from my former life, and immersed in a new adventure all my own. i have been living so presently, not worrying, moment to moment, finding exactly what i need when i need it, effortlessly, just flowing through this new experience. its quite wonderful! i have no idea where i'm going to go tomorrow or what i'm going to do or who i'm going to meet, but i know and trust that it is right on track and in alignment with exactly what i need. i really love it here, but am also open to whatever opportunities i encounter. i will work on making some pictures happen...i haven't even been taking very many, its kind of impossible to capture the beauty here. so i'm just going to keep on keeping on! wish you were here!

bree and i with our musician friend Todd Day Wait that we all went to see last night. excellent music! check him out at www.tdwpigpen.com