Why Like This???

I am currently in Koh Tao thailand, hiding in my room suffering from extreme sri lanka withdrawls. I am really questioning my decision to leave, but im trying to keep believing fate brought me here for some reason. Bangkok was pretty extreme culture shock. I hadnt seen freeways, 7-11, large amounts of white people for 2 months! My initial reaction was unpleasant. Contrary to the feeling i had as soon as i got off the plane in sri lanka, love at first sight, i thought oh dear god, why did i come here?? But luckily within a few hours i ran into my israeli girlfriends from sri lanka! We were so excited to see someone from our sri lanka group, and they understood exactly how i was feeling, and said when they first left sri lanka and came to thailand they felt the same and went back to sri lanka again. We concluded that so far the only things here better than sri lanka we have experienced are the fireworks and shopping. Minor details. So now im trying to give thailand a chance, but wondering if i should just go back. Sri lanka is the first place ive been where i felt like this, like i wanted to stay. Usually i love going somewhere new! Maybe this is just what its like to be a traveler though. I just fell so madly in love with the people there, the food, all of it. And Hansa Surf crew is the best everrrr!

So i dont know why i decided to leave, it was a last minute decision. Suddenly i was on a 9 hour train ride to colombo (most beautiful train ride ever!) and then on a plane and then another train and then in Bangkok. I flip a coin if i should stay in the city or go with adam and lisa down south to the islands. It says go, so i buy a last minute overnight bus ticket. I question this decision, until the italian girl next to me on the bus asks if i'd like a valium. Why yes! That certainly helped me sleep and let go of my sri lanka missing anxiety. Next thing you know the sun is rising and we are on a ferry to the island. Its very beautiful here, but still doesn't quite do it for me yet. Maybe i just miss the friendly locals and eating with my hands and being a minority. Maybe i need to give it more of a chance, i dont know. Today Fiama from the bus and i rented a moped and drove around the island and we are now sharing a room. Its really spectacular kind of being on your own and sharing experiences with strangers. I dont know why im complaining really, im on a tropical island with beautiful views and delicious curry. but i still dont think this island is the one for me. Fiama has inspired me to explore some alone, free of anyone else's schedule or expectations. Maybe tomorrow i will go somewhere new, or back to bangkok to be with israeli people again ( they are so great! They make me feel like family and they have the funnest holidays ever!)

I'd like to see a little more culture here than tourists on vacation. I've really enjoyed learning Sinhalese in sri lanka, and a little bit of other languages from friends. So, what to do? I have no idea...much more coin flipping is needed. Yes, this is how i make major life decisions...

To sum it up, right now i feel crazy, invited in many directions, india, cambodia, laos, europe, israel, morocco, australia, as well as emotionally and culturally shocked. I just love everyone i meet and all these places so much that i dont know what to do with myself. Travelling is the ultimate lesson of nonattatchment. You just have to remember that there is so much more to see, people to meet and love to share.

So, if anyone has any ideas of what i should do next, please share!

Coming up next on the agenda is finding some work.